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How do I improve this sentence? A Quora question

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Since Quora likes to collapse my answers in an effort to keep me quiet, I’m copying and pasting some of the Quora Q and A’s in which I’ve participated. Here’s a question from Quora.

Question: How can I improve the following sentence?

 

Addendum: They hence end up preferring better ways of ensuring that these issues never arise again in their counties.

 

Answer: Good question, a question worthy of an editor.

 

We certainly have an ugly, clunky sentence up there. What’s it saying? What will the paragraph explain? These are questions a writer, or an editor, must be able to answer.

 

As I’ve stated ad nauseam: When you’re writing your story, article, post, whatever, just write what you’re thinking, but when you’re done writing, you need to find the best possible way to make a point to a target audience. Write for you. Edit for an audience.

 

Let’s look at the sentence again:

 

They hence end up preferring better ways of ensuring that these issues never arise again in their counties.

 

Okay, it seems to me that they, their issues, and their countries are the points in question.

By focusing on the meaning behind the words, we learn that people have ended up ensuring that some issues never arise in their countries. The simplest expression, I believe, is this:

 

They discovered better ways to prevent the issues from ever again arising within their countries.

 

In order to make it more complex, I need to know how they came up with better ways to prevent issues from arising. If I assume it’s through education, I write a more complex sentence.

 

For instance: Due to an improved educational system, they devised better ways to prevent the issues from ever again arising within their countries.

 

Such a case can, and should, be extended within the paragraph. Obviously, this person from Quora wasn’t writing a single sentence, but an entire article or maybe even a book. In such an event, it may be necessary to simplify such a complex sentence, and write two or three simpler sentences, but that really depends on the target audience; will it be fifth graders or grad students?

 

Editing is not only about finding the most cogent way to present ideas; it is also about presenting the cogent ideas in terms best suited for a specific audience. Many ideas are too complicated for a single sentence. That’s precisely why we write in paragraphs.

 

A paragraph should contain only a single idea, and each of its sentences should only be present to support and expound upon that idea, which is why some sentences are more complex than others, and is why some paragraphs are longer than others.

 

Can your editing software handle all that? Hire an editor. Your readers deserve it.

 

BT dubz, don’t forget that June is my BOOM month. If you don’t know what that is, read about it here….

Thanks for reading. Like, share, and all that jazz.

Quora Q and A’s

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Since Quora likes to collapse my answers in an effort to keep me quiet, I’m copying and pasting some of the Quora Q and A’s in which I’ve participated. Here’s a question from Quora.

This time, I’ll be showing a few questions with some short answers. All of the questions revolve around some facet of reading, writing, or editing, but if you find that you have some questions about the editing process, please ask right here or leave a comment.

Question 1:If I’m coining a phrase, should I put it in quote signs?

Addendum: I read that the phrase “coining a phrase” is hardly used anymore, but should I use it since I’m the one who is doing the coining?

Answer: I suggest single quotations or italics. The truth is that standard quotations work as well because people will perceive the information just that same as if it were being “qouted” by someone, however, in an effort to keep editing practices true, it is best to either italicize, such as: he’s the cat’s meow or use single quotations such as, he’s the ‘cat’s meow’.

One doesn’t generally see: he’s the “cat’s meow” unless it is a part of dialogue. At this point, it is important to remind writers and editors that punctuation is used to clarify information for readers, so that they aren’t forced to guess at the meaning of the information presented.

Question 2: Is there much of a difference or any between “few had shown real promise” or “few had shown any real promise”?

Answer: No. The first version is perhaps better suited for a written sentence where as the second version sounds more conversational, but in the end, they’re the same. I also believe that anyone who either reads or hears either version of that phrase will draw exactly the same conclusion.

In the end, this particular Q and A comes down to personal style. A writer must often ask him or her self: “how do I want to write this?” and only after having written the entirety of the article, novel, story, whatever, should that writer go back through, and try to make changes. Changes should be for two reasons; to maintain consistency and to clarify information for the reader.

Question 3: Do I need a comma before the word ‘where’ in the sentence in the details?

Addendum: They later moved to Sedona, Arizona, where Ernst constructed a small cottage by hand.

Answer: Yes because you are listing the city and state.

They later moved to Sedona where Ernst constructed a small cottage by hand.

In the above sentence, a comma is not required, though one might still use one. Commas are utilized to “break up” information and to clarify meaning. There’s a whole post on comma usage here.

Also, be sure to check out my Editing Services tab.

More questions and answers from Quora

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will edit for food

Since Quora likes to collapse my answers in an effort to keep me quiet, I’m copying and pasting some of the Quora Q and A’s in which I’ve participated. Here’s a question from Quora.

This time, I’ll be showing a few questions with some short answers. All of the questions revolve around some facet of reading, writing, or editing, but if you find that you have some questions about the editing process, please ask right here or leave a comment.

Question 1: Can you give me some good advice before I attempt to write my first novel?

Answer: Practice writing short stories to get a feel for the process. Write a fanfiction novel so you already have a great foundation while you find your voice. Then, write your novel.

Relax, just get all your thoughts down, and then hire an editor. Feel free to visit my blog posts for more in depth information regarding the processes through which a writer can improve the quality of their writing. You can also learn what it is that makes an editor competent.

Finally, the most important aspect of writing a novel is, well, to just write. Nothing can be said about a novel or writing a first draft. A first draft is just that, a draft, so just write it all down.

There is nothing to worry over because no one else is reading the draft, so a writer needs to just relax and focus on getting down all their thoughts. Only after the first draft has been written can a writer go back and search for discrepancies.

Question 2: How can you say this in a better way?

Addendum: “even a guy good looking like that… doesn’t look handsome anymore when he’s next to Tom Cruise”

Answer: As handsome as Bill is, he looks like a toad next to Tom Cruise. There are numerous variants, though. What’s important in such situations during the writing process is to suspend judgment. Just write the phrase, scene, paragraph, or whatever as it comes to mind.

Only after having completed the novel, or perhaps the chapter, should a writer go back and find better ways to say something. However, that better way must be pertinent to the scene, the writer’s voice, the intent behind the phrase.

A writer must ask: is this dialogue? If it is, how would this character speak? Is this character sarcastic? Stuffy? Old? Young?

If it isn’t dialogue, what genre is the story? If it’s scifi then a writer might write: All the scales and tentacles in the world didn’t make Bill any hotter than Tom Cruise.

In the end, there’s no right or wrong answer, and it becomes totally up to the writer, so long as the writer keeps in mind their audience.

Question 3: What are a writer’s and editor’s strengths?

Addendum: Another word might be personality types, but I don’t want to limit it to that.

Answer: Conviction. We believe in what we do. Passion. We love what we do. Determination. We will keep doing what we do. Fear. We are afraid that one day, we will no longer be able to do what we do, so we make what we do count.

Whether we are writers or editors, our goals are the same: to produce a product that our audience will enjoy. To this effect it becomes imperative that we exude conviction, passion, determination, and even fear.

If you’d like to learn more about writing and editing, visit my Editing Services tab.

Questions From Quora Regarding Editing part 2

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Since Quora likes to collapse my answers in an effort to keep me quiet, I’m copying and pasting some of the Quora Q and A’s in which I’ve participated. Here’s a question from Quora.

This time, I’ll be showing a few questions with some short answers. All of the questions revolve around some facet of editing, but if you find that you have some questions about the editing process, please ask right here or leave a comment.

Question 1: If I can omit the comma after “today,” can I do the same in “Fortunetly I don’t have work tomorrow.”?
Addendum: I’m able to omit the comma after “today” in the sentence, “Today I went to school,” but am I able to omit the comma after “fortunety” in the sentence, “Fortunetly I don’t have work tomorrow.”

Answer: You do not need the comma after fortunately. In this case, using the comma is optional, but make sure that you are consistent in your writing and punctuation. Also, be sure to correct spelling mistakes.

To expound a bit, the reason a comma may be placed after today, yesterday, at this time, fortunately, etc., is due to the fact that those kinds of words at the beginning of a sentence set up a sort of restriction.

For example: Today, the heat was excruciating.

The reader knows right away that the frame of reference is “today”, but there is no need for the comma because the frame of reference still exists without the comma.

Remember, commas do NOT indicate a pause in speech; they are used to clarify information, and if they are not clarifying the information they do not need to be there, but if they are used in such a manner, they must be used consistently.

Read more about commas here.

Question 2: I do not come to school. It’s passive voice?

Answer: No. It is active.

You are the subject and not coming to school is what you are doing. However, I do not go to school, or I did not make it to school, or I have not been to school, are more appropriate ways of phrasing such an idea in the English language.

One does not generally come to a place; they go.

Now, an example of passive voice is the following: The milk was spilled by the cat.

There is nothing wrong the sentence. It makes perfect sense, but the main noun, the cat, the thing that actually did the verb, has taken a secondary role in the sentence, thus making it passive.

The active version of that sentence is the following: The cat spilled the milk.

There is a time and place to use either passive or active voice, but that is up to the writer/editor, and what they wish to provide the audience. Generally, an active voice in the narrative forces the audience to accept at face value to events of the story, whereas the passive voice is a bit more suggestive in nature, perhaps even surreptitious. Both have their roles.

Question 3: Why do shorter paragraphs in a novel create the feeling of a faster pace?

Answer: First, it is imperative to understand that each paragraph should contain a single idea. A short paragraph means the idea is explained in fewer sentences, so numerous paragraphs of fewer sentences provides a barrage of ideas, which gives the pace speed, so long as each paragraph and their supporting sentences are structured properly.

If they aren’t, instead of a quick pace, the reader feels a jumbled confusion. Long paragraphs are still a single idea, but due to more sentences of a more complex nature being presented, the pace is slowed because less information is thoroughly explained.

So that’s three, little questions from Quora, and as you can see, editing is really a great deal more than correcting misspelled words, bad grammar, and incorrect punctuation.

Please visit my editing services tab for more information.

Also be sure to read through all my posts if you intend to become a better writer. Thanks, everyone, and stay tuned for more info.

Questions from Quora regarding editing

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Since Quora likes to collapse my answers in an effort to keep me quiet, I’m copying and pasting some of the Quora Q and A’s in which I’ve participated. Here’s a question from Quora.

This time, I’ll be showing a few questions with some short answers. All of the questions revolve around some facet of editing, but if you find that you have some questions about the editing process, please ask right here or leave a comment.

Question 1: Is “I am unlike he” or “I am unlike him” grammatically correct?

Addendum: My teacher says only “I am unlike he” and “They, unlike he are smarter…” as opposed to “I am unlike him” and “They, unlike him are smarter…”. I have always heard people say “I am unlike him”, so which is grammatically correct?

Answer: I am unlike him is correct, but it’s an awkward way to speak. More appropriately, one says: I am not like him, or I am not like he is, or I’m different than he is.

Similarly, one doesn’t normally say: I, unlike he, am smarter. One says: I, unlike him, am smart. I am smarter than he is. I am smarter than him. He is not as smart as me. He is not as smart as I am.

Question 2: Is this correct ” dealing and connecting with others demands some efforts” how can I improve ir[sic]?

Answer: Dealing and connecting with others demands some effort.

Effort is not plural in this case. It doesn’t really need improving, though. You might, nevertheless, try:

Dealing and connecting with others requires effort.

It requires effort to deal and connect with others.

It can be difficult to deal and connect with others.

Question 3: What’s another way of saying “in my opinion”?

Answer: There are numerous ways to “say” the same thing, and this is a great question because many times, what makes or breaks a story, a scene, or a chapter can boil down to the way something is phrased.

In this case, in my opinion, can be rephrased as:

What I think. What I believe. My thoughts are. I have heard. I have been taught. In my experience. It seems to me.

The list is practically endless, but I think you guys see where I’m going.

So that’s three little questions from Quora, and as you can see, editing is really a great deal more than correcting misspelled words, bad grammar, and incorrect punctuation.

Please visit my editing services tab for more information.

Also be sure to read through all my posts if you intend to become a better writer. Thanks, everyone, and stay tuned for more info.